i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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