sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
