Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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