You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
