but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
