my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
