remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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