he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
