Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
