I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
