remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
