The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
