I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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