Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
