Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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