well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
