i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
