I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
