very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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