belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
