I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
