i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
