Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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