Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
