why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
is wine microwaveable?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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