took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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