the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
