Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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