Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
