you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
