listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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