dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
