i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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