overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
