I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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