If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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