the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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