Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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