the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
