I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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