The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
People in love make me want to vomit
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
