when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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