The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You are the jesus of drinking
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
