Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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