fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
