I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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