Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
