I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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