dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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