I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
