Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
