just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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