get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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